Mommy Time - A Little Bit of Time For Yourself Does a World of Good

I've never really been one for "mommy time." My best mommy time is that time in which I am being a mommy. I get so much out of being with my family, that I really don't feel the need to escape. And I also believe that when we tell our children that we need some "mommy time," and then we leave them, then we are sending them a message that they exhaust us. (Yeah, yeah, I know they do sometimes, but then don't actually need to be told that, do they?)

But, every now and then, you need some "YOU" time, some time to hear yourself think and work out some issues in your own mind. Here are some sneaky ways to grab those minutes for yourself without the kids thinking that you want to escape their desperate clutches.

Go to the Bathroom

I know you don't have to be told to use the potty, but why not seize the opportunity for a quick break now and then? Take a cup of tea or coffee with you and a magazine, and a watch so that you don't let the time slip away from you. For about five or ten minutes, just sit and refresh yourself. At one time, I kept a pretty wicker chair in my bathroom just for this purpose.

Go get Some Groceries

"Oops! We ran out of milk!" Sometimes, we just need to get out for a few minutes. Make these minutes count. Don't just run to the store and back, make it worthwhile. Take your favorite tunes with you to play on the way (for added points, you can roll down the window and sing along). Make a smoothie to drink while you are there, or buy a favorite tea or soda and sip it while you shop. And if you happen to pause for a moment to smell the candles on aisle twelve, then who is going to know?

Go for a Walk

This is a great solution because it's good for your mind and your body. As long as hubby is home, or maybe an adult friend who is doing you a favor, then go ahead and step out for a few minutes. Taking fifteen minutes to walk around the neighborhood will do wonders for you. Bring along your ipod if you like, or just listen to the sounds of life around you. A walk can center your spirit like nothing else.

Whatever you choose to do for some "YOU" time, the important thing is to take a break every now and then. Your kids need you whole and complete, not hanging on for dear life. There is no shame in taking a few minutes to rejuvenate, and you will be a better mom because of it.

Hannah Keeley is the founder of http://www.totalmom.com and the mother of seven kids. She is the author of "Hannah's Art of Home" and "Hannah Keeley's Total Mom Makeover," and has appeared on the Today show, Fox and Friends, and the Rachael Ray show.

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The Joys of Motherhood Come in Spurts

Most moms don't need to be told that motherhood is hard. Perhaps if you have a nanny raising your children, you need to hear that so that the poor thing can get a raise and a break. What might be nice to hear is that all the crazy feelings one has as a mother are felt by moms around the world. Moms in China and India and Italy all get exasperated by the job. They just have different four letter words for it. How often have you run to the store while the kids were at home with dad and the open road called your name? The fleeting moment of joy at running away and leaving it all behind is typical. Ever read "Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood"? That mom ran off to a hotel for days on end for some sleep assisted by a drunken stupor. While a substance abuse problem is arguably bad for parenting, the desire to escape motherhood once submerged in it is quite standard. Surviving motherhood is possible, as evidenced by Mother's Day being such a popular card giving holiday.

"Why did I marry that man?" crosses the minds of all moms in every country at least once in their parenting lives. Most men are good fathers, or at least they try really hard. Some fathers have questionable decision making skills when it comes to family and children. Add to the fact that men seem to find it easier to make plans for themselves and assume that mom will take care of the children he helped father. However, when the tables are turned, moms for some unknown reason have to ask dads to watch the children when making plans. Hence, the strong desire to hit that open road and never turn back when the opportunity arises.

Not missing one's children while on a weekend away, if a mother is so fortunate, is also a really healthy sign that the mother lode was really too much. Moms definitely need time away to be an adult and do adult-like things such as sit in a restaurant for more than 45 minutes and not pick up dropped food from under the table afterward. Not knowing where the bathroom is and not visiting it three times within the 45 minutes is also very rewarding. All mothers are encouraged to try this. It will remind them of being single.

One's children, while adorable and gorgeous and awe-inspiring, can also be annoying and disgusting. Wearing a shirt without mucus on the shoulder is something moms know little about. Poop, pee, vomit and boogers are all part of the deal mom's signed on for without really reading the fine print. Dads who encourage fart jokes could make one go back to that question of "why did I marry that man?"

In the big picture however, despite the poop, pee, boogers, and farts, (and vomit) there are those moments when a mom has the opportunity to stand back and see her family functioning well together. Dad is rough housing (riling them up ten minutes before bed) and being comical, the children are crawling on him instead of you and nobody seems to need anything at the moment. The picture-perfect Norman Rockwell family you for which you had aspired sits before you. The blissful reverie is only interrupted by the dryer buzzing.

Kristin Knight is a nationally certified teacher in the area of Early Adolescent English /Language Arts. She is currently a school counselor in a middle school and has been writing for pleasure since she was a child.

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Anger Management For Mums - Get Deliberate About Handling Anger

Anger in mums is universal. If you were to ask any mother they would more often then not tell you that motherhood has brought up some unwanted anger issues.

Sometimes it feels as if anger creeps up on you from behind, and over silly things too. I mean how important is a bit of food up your walls, or some water spilt onto the bathroom floor? Why does it matter that your child is running off giggling and playing games when you are trying to get them dressed? When we have finished our angry outburst and rationally reflect on these moments of fury, we often ask ourselves why we are falling into this repetitive cycle. Why can't we just chill out? Here are some suggestion as to why we get angry and what you can do to overcome your anger.

Change the picture

We create ideas, or pictures in our head of how something 'should' look. Perhaps you imagine being able to feed your child their food with minimal mess, or you imagine quickly throwing some clothes onto your child and then doing the dishes before running out the door. The game that the child is playing with getting dressed is different from the picture that you originally created and hence is chewing up your time to get the dishes done. The picture has changed and the opinions (thoughts) you create about the differences makes you feel stressed. Before you know it, anger has engulfed you.

Sometimes when we get attached to the pictures of how we expect something to go, and it doesn't turn out that way, because of your attachment to the original picture, you cannot accept this new reality and you start to resist it. You create a dialogue in your head about the differences between what has happened and what you expected. For example, "He keeps running off. All I wanted to do was dress him so I can get these dishes done. Why is it that every time I am in a hurry, he's running off? This really annoys me. When I get my hands on him, I'm gonna..."

Too late, anger has arrived. The progression of negative dialogue about the change between the picture and the reality (ie your thoughts) has created a feeling of building rage until release is imminent.

How to avoid anger in this instance:

Become aware of your thoughts and catch them out before they spiral from frustration into fury. You have to be deliberate in challenging these thoughts and creating a different conversation in your head. Try to use gratitude to change your thoughts, such as, "I'm grateful that he(my child) is in a happy mood." "I'm grateful that he's not throwing tantrums." Etc. When you change your thoughts, you will change your feelings.

Let Go of the Past

Anger often arises in motherhood because we cannot let go of the way we used to do things, or cannot accept how we currently live our lives. When you become a mother, everything about you changes. You change mentally, physically, emotionally, morally, ethically and spiritually. You cannot be the same person that you were before children. Sometimes, however, this change happens so quickly, that we don't stop to reflect on our current life and deliberately acknowledge the changes. Sometimes we are still attached to the old idea (picture) of how life used to be and how we ran our lives. For example, I used to do my housework in 4 hour straight sessions on a Saturday morning. I would also probably sit down and watch a movie on a Sunday afternoon or would spontaneously decide to go out for dinner on the weekend, or go away for a night or two. Now that I have children, I just cannot do some of these things without planning. Notice I didn't say that I can't do them at all? You can still do whatever you want, but as my girlfriend put it, "You find out what you want to do and then you plot and scheme around your children to do it."

How to avoid anger in this instance?

The reality of your life right now as you raise your children is not what it used to be. Deliberately acknowledge this change, and let go of any attachments to the way life used to be. Life's different now, so you must go about life differently. You may try to do things the way you used to, but if they don't work that way anymore, just accept that and find a different way to approach it.

These are only two of the many different ways that I can show you on how to handle anger. The first step to managing your anger, however, is to deliberately decide that you no longer wish to experience being angry. As obvious as that sounds, this decision need to be literally made and then find as many different ways as possible to align with this choice. Sometimes anger is an auto-pilot reaction and by making this conscious choice to manage your anger, you will switch back to manual and be more in control of your anger.

Anger management starts with a deliberate and conscious decision, only then will you find that ability to manage it.

Want more help with Anger Management, specifically in the context of raising children? You can download tutorials from the "YOU Inside the Mum" Workshop from http://www.selfhelpformums.com

The YOU Inside the Mum Workshop covers topics such as: Finding happiness, controlling your mindset, Handling anger and guilt, Discovering your personal identity, finding your passion, Time Management, Time Out, Creating the Ultimate Relationship & Four Friends that will have your Soaring through Motherhood. This unique and comprehensive workshop will have you living the way you desire, without having to wait for your children to reach a certain developmental age, go to school, or turn 18.

Self Help for mums helps mothers to achieve calmness, balance, passion and happiness by putting yourself back in charge of your life. You will also find a free mother's forum that supports members with questions and advice about their personal self help journey, all in the context of raising children and many other exciting, helpful and supportive resources to help you handle the emotional and personal aspects of raising children.

Learn how to live a happy and inspirational life TODAY at Self Help for Mums.

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Being a New Mother - How to Cope When You Are Exhausted and Depressed

Mothers, especially a new one, experience great joy when they cradle their newborn babies in their arms. No matter how painful the delivery process was and how tired she may be, a mother immediately yearns to bond with her baby and looks forward to the experience of motherhood.

Unfortunately, in many instances, the trip back from the hospital with the baby can also be the beginning of a nightmare for a new mother. When previously her thought of motherhood is centered on taking care of a cute and smiley little one, now, she may feel that she is being saddled with an 'uncontrollable' baby. Exhaustion and lack of sleep coupled with a fussy baby can easily trigger such a switch in emotions.

Sometimes, the problem is also compounded by the lack of help from the spouse, especially when he is not always home due to work commitments, resulting in the mother having to shoulder the burden of childcare on her own. This caused resentment to build up and together with the exhaustion, they become a potent combination for quarrels to take place. The downhill slide into further unhappiness and depression is but a step away in such a scenario.

If you are one of those mothers who is feeling this way, there are a few things that you can do to make the experience of motherhood more fulfilling.

1. Take the Initiative to Learn
If you have a fussy baby and are at a loss on how to handle the situation, be proactive and search for solutions. For example, many babies like to be rocked to sleep and the moment you put them down in their cot, they will start crying incessantly. Take a step back and do not be consumed by anger or sadness. Instead look for the reason behind the problem and find out whether there are solutions that could possibly work for your baby. Talk to other parents and check if they have encountered the same problem before. Alternatively, the internet is a rich source of information and there are many websites that offer valuable advice on a wide range of issues when it comes to baby care. If you take the initiative to learn, you will have a better idea of what to expect and what you can do to cope, thus, lessening unnecessary pressure on yourself.

2. Be Flexible
We are all creatures of habit and sometimes, this may not necessarily be a good thing. For instance, you may have a list of chores that you need to do each morning but are now finding it difficult to squeeze in all of the tasks before your baby wakes up for the day. If that is the case, redo your list and move your chores around. There is no fixed rule to say that you have to do the laundry at a particular time of the day, is there? Similarly, if you have not vacuumed the floor for the third day in a row, so be it. If you are tired, get yourself some rest when your baby nods off and leave the not-so-urgent chores for another time. Try to be flexible and organize yourself around your baby's schedule.

3. Communicate with your Spouse
We all know that communication is a vital ingredient in any relationship. But it is also something that is very easily overlooked, especially when a baby arrives, as our time and attention are now fully diverted towards the baby, sometimes to the exclusion of everything else. Therefore, you have to make time to talk to your spouse and tell him your feelings and difficulties, if any. Encourage him to be more involved in taking care of the baby and more importantly, learn to let go and let him take charge if he is willing.

4. Look at the Bright Side
If you are at the bottom now, then tell yourself that the only way to go is up. Be positive because the difficult moments do not last. After all, your baby will grow and all the problems that you are facing now will most probably not be there within months or even weeks. For example, if you are forced to wake up every two hours each night now to feed your baby, remind yourself that you will probably be waking up only once a night or even not at all, in another two or three months' time. The difficulties will disappear as time passes and before you know it, your child would have left babyhood behind to graduate into a toddler.

Yes, being a mother is not easy, what more if you are new to the task. But whatever negative feelings you may have, learn to put them aside. Do not dwell on them. Instead concentrate on bringing up your baby to the best of your ability by adopting the few suggestions above and/or whatever means that may be helpful. If you learn to enjoy your baby, you will find motherhood a much more pleasant and fulfilling experience.

Are you using a baby nursing pillow? Be aware that without it, you may well end up with backaches and tensed arms. You wouldn't want more problems now when you are already so stressed up, would you?

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How to Deal With Supermom Stress

One of the top stressors for women today is what many are calling the "supermom syndrome". Many of us are led by society today to believe that in order to be successful Moms, we have to do it all, and give all. Nonsense. We all want to do our best as Moms, as we should. But at some point, for our own mental health, our best has got to be good enough. Here are some great ideas to reduce the syndrome at your house.

It's ok not to be perfect. Let me say that again. It's ok, not to be perfect. I think many of us hold ourselves up to a level of perfection that merely hurts our ability to be a good Mom. So what if the living room isn't clean on Monday nights?...you had bedtime stories to read. Who cares if you had to choose a work presentation over your child's field trip...you'll go next time. Not allowing ourselves any slack simply causes more stress in our lives, and prevents us from savoring every precious moment of being a Mom. Lighten up. It's ok not to be perfect!

Don't buy into societies hype that in order to be a good parent, you must offer your child every experience under the stars. Over and over again, psychologists talk about the dangers of over scheduling our kids, but it seems few are listening. It is not healthy for your child to learn to be so busy that he/she never learns to be with and like himself, to dream, use his imagination, or just be bored! Limiting your family to one extracurricular activity per child will help reduce family stress both in time and money. Do not let society guilt you into doing more...after all, this is the same society rules that say its ok for our children to starve themselves to look like movie stars, or to play Nintendo for 12 hours straight. Is that what you want for your kids?

Make time for yourself. Make a rule that you will take 10, 20, even 30 minutes a day and shut out the world. Close the bedroom door, take a bath, take a walk...just have that time to yourself. You deserve it, and your family owes you that much. Do not feel guilty asking for it either! Tell the kids Mom is not to be disturbed unless someone is bleeding or something is on fire...then enforce the rule! Oprah says it well...if your cup is empty, how will you fill up the ones you love?

That being said, it is important to recognize your family as an essential part of your life. Stopping to smell the roses when it comes to your family will help you to keep your life in perspective, and therefore, reduce your daily stress. Make sure you take time for yourself, but also take time to spend with your family outside of the daily chores and running around. Let your children help you cook dinner, play cards together in the evening, take a walk around your neighborhood with your kids. Make sure you read to those little ones every night, and make sure you do those great voices with the characters! Laugh with your family, choose your battles wisely, and savor every moment of their precious childhood...before you know it, they will be tending their own families! (And won't you feel good knowing what an example you were, cherishing your family as you do!)

Finally, make sure you remember who you are as a person. Not as Mom, or wife, or business associate, but as who you are. Cultivate old pastimes, and expand your world by developing new ones! Learn to play piano, paint, or to speak a different language. Read. Celebrate your spiritual life, and let yourself grow in the world that has been gifted to you.

It is time Moms stood up and made a stand...we don't have to do it all to be good Moms. We already are good Moms, because we do our best. And that's good enough.

Visit Kathy at http://www.women-on-the-net.com/ for step by step guidance, free ebooks, and her free newsletter packed full of money making tips for women! Also visit her other sites http://www.thebudgetdecorator.com/

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Post-Partum Blues and Exercise

This topic is something I knew nothing about before my first child was born, and I wished desperately I had the information that is available today. To begin with, forget the controversy, post partum depression is real and deserves very thorough attention. It is my deepest belief that that its causes are an accumulation of many issues. Sleep deprivation, hormone surges, the transition of adding a child to your family, nutrition and exercise are all factors that can lead to the baby blues. My hormone surges were so dramatic that every time my milk came in, about 20 seconds beforehand, I would be overcome with panic. Then as soon as my baby latched on and the milk started to flow, the panic passed. Now that was pretty wild, and difficult to explain to my provider. So the early days of my first born's infancy were about survival. Mine as well as his. I was sleeping horribly, worrying constantly about everything, trying to figure it all out-like if I let him sleep in his car seat will that be a bad habit to form..., and I was crying a lot. I wanted to go back to the way things were before.

I found comfort in chocolate chip cookies and my mom's cooking. Weight and fitness were not in my realm of thought. It was close to 6 months before we really started enjoying parenthood, Jacob started to mellow out as well and actually began showing signs of loving us back. When he was able to laugh and move around he became a much happier baby, which helped us all. There was still little fitness in my life. I recall when he was between 1 and 2 years old, I started to do Tae Bo to try and get the last 15 lbs. off. I came close but never reached my pre-pregnancy weight before I became pregnant with Evan. I was concerned about the possibility of post-partum depression again, and my midwife and I watched for signs throughout my pregnancy. I didn't experience it the second time around and again I believe there were several factors that came into play. One, I was induced because he was 2 weeks late, so I went to the hospital one morning and he was born in the afternoon, and I had a good night of sleep the night before and the night after.

When I look at what was going on in our lives, there was very little stress. My husband was finishing his masters program and literally finished classes the week Evan was born, so he was around all of the time. I didn't worry about him going off to work and leaving us for 8 hours. He had a job lined up beginning in August, Evan was born in April, so we had 4 months to enjoy our family and get things down before he had to start working. Evan was also a very easy baby who nursed efficiently. I still had the waves of panic before my milk let down, but I knew what they were and that they would pass. I think all of those factors helped me to not experience the baby blues this time around, and having been through it once certainly helped me to tune into those issues.

Then came baby number 3, which was more reminiscent of number one. I had two toddlers, Brent was working long hours, I was still carrying extra weight from the two previous pregnancies, and the only fitness in my life was going for walks and watching sports on tv. My midwife put me on anti-depressants pretty early in my pregnancy as I kept saying, how am I going to manage? I am a strong believer in anti-depressants, they really helped take the edge off and allowed me to enjoy my kids and appreciate my pregnancy knowing it would be my last. My labor with Charlie started in the middle of the night, so I again started this journey off lacking in sleep. He was also a bit of a high maintenance baby; kind of fussy, spitting up a lot. Things were a little tough you could say, 3 kids in 4 years. By October, he was born august 26th, I was feeling the need to get some breaks and get out of the house. Getting healthy became a priority as I started to have the belief system that if I felt good about myself, the better mom I would be. I began swimming first, it was very soothing to get into the pool. I really began to feel good, and saw the correlation between exercising more=having more energy. Gradually I added biking and running and did my first sprint triathlon when he was almost one.

We know that exercise releases endorphins, those chemicals that make us feel good, and it should be considered when prescribing treatment for post partum depression. Extra sleep, healthy foods, exercise and possibly anti-depressants, alone or in conjunction with each other can help you enjoy your baby's first year much more. Most practitioners recommend waiting until your 6 week post-partum check before beginning or picking back up your exercise routine. If you had a c-section, it is often longer than that. You want to be sure that everything is healing appropriately before you add any strain that could cause injury or infection. Remember that post partum depression is very real, you are not alone if you are experiencing any of the symptoms I mentioned earlier. For some women it can be very severe and you should never be ashamed to mention it to anyone. Find girlfriends to talk to who have had similar experiences, let your practitioner know how you're feeling, and get out there and go for a walk. Sitting on the couch eating Bon Bons won't make it go away, I tried that route only with chocolate chip cookies. Remember who you are, what you're about, and what you loved before you had kids, and find a way to reconnect with yourself!

Get Fit=Get Happy

Katie Rasmussen is a writer for http://www.fitmom3.com/ She is a mother of 3 boys who struggled with weight and fitness and has found support through friends. After completing 4 marathons, 3 1/2 marathons, 2 1/2 Ironmans, 6 triathlons, and 1 century bike ride, Katie is committed to helping other moms believe in themselves and find the strength within to be a fit mom!

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A Stay-at-Home Mom is Important For Baby

Being a stay-at-home mom is one of the most important jobs I have ever had, because God has entrusted me with another human being to raise for Him. Being a parent is such a huge responsibility and we don't even realize it, until we are thrust into the position of raising our babies. God has allowed me the privilege of watching my babies grow, laugh, play, and learn, as well as bringing me joy, encouragement and lots and lots of blessings.

When I became a mother of two babies, I didn't want to shift them off to childcare every day while I ran off to work. I didn't want to miss all the first moments in my babies' lives like smiling at me when feeding them, laughing when I made a funny face or tickled them, crawling or rolling on the floor in amazement that they could do it all by themselves, standing and attempting to make it from one piece of furniture to another independently, feeding themselves with a spoon eventually and proud of themselves for doing it, taking their first steps with excitement, and so on. The list goes on and on. Why would I want to miss all of this? I am their mom, and in my opinion, nobody can really take my place.

Being a stay-at-home mom allows me the privilege of influencing my babies' lives in so many ways. As the days pass, I can teach them the love of God by demonstrating patience and kindness even when they are not in a good mood or just cranky. My actions speak volumes to them by how I react to problems and circumstances that evolve. Do I blow up when things go wrong? Do I shout orders or calmly give direction? These things are so important to the way my babies will react to life themselves.

Being a stay-at-home mom also gives my babies an emotional stability. I remember when I was a child; my mom had to work, because she was a single parent raising nine children by herself. That was definitely not an easy feat for her, and I respected her; not so much as a child, because I didn't understand why she was hardly home. But, I respected her more when I became an adult with babies myself. My babies need that stability of having me there when they want to play, learn, or just because they love me and simply need me there. That emotional tie is bonded as we grow up together.

I am so thankful to the Lord for allowing me the ability financially to stay home with my babies. Yes, my husband and I had to alter our budget a little bit and give up a few things; but in retrospect, it was all worth it and then some. I believe it is just a matter of what is most important for my family - all the material things that life has to offer, or simply, an emotionally stable and loving home.

Rachel G. LaChapelle is the website administrator for Baby Strollers and also a stay-at-home mom for 14 years. Please visit her site for all sorts of discount baby items.

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